How Long Does Therapy Take? What to Expect in Counselling and IFS Therapy

How Long Does Therapy Take?

 When we are going through a difficult time, most of us have a desire to know "How long will it take until I feel better?" In therapy you may wonder "How many sessions will I need?"

Understandably, when we’re in pain—emotionally, mentally, or even physically—we want to know there’s an endpoint. A finish line. A timeframe we can hold onto.

But healing doesn’t quite work like a prescription with a use-by date. It’s more like a relationship—uniquely shaped by who you are, your life experiences, and the parts of you that come forward when you begin your therapy journey.

Generally speaking, therapy is a process, not a quick fix. In saying that, there can be noticeable internal shifts in just one session. This may be a new awareness or internal connection that impacts how we see and experience ourselves, others or a situation, or that leads us to make a decision or to respond in an entirely new way. 

As IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems) and many other relational approaches remind us, healing isn't just about symptom relief—it’s about connection, integration, and becoming more “you”.

Our parts— inner protectors, wounded exiles, and caring managers—have all played a role in getting us to this moment in time. In therapy, we meet them. Listen. Build trust. It’s not linear, and it’s not predictable.

 “Nothing that feels bad is ever the last step.” — Eugene Gendlin

And yet we live in a world that celebrates speed: fast results, quick fixes, instant relief. However when it comes to emotional healing that desire for speed can actually slow things down.

A phrase popular in recovery is ‘fast is slow’. You know the way when you rush to leave the house, and you smash a glass or drop rubbish everywhere... By trying to speed up to get somewhere more quickly, we can end up creating the opposite, slowing ourselves down and being late instead. 

What parts of you are in a rush for a certain kind of healing or change and what parts of you are more relaxed? Change is a continuum and often the healing we hope for comes in unexpected ways. Or sometimes what we thought we wanted to be different changes as we get to know and understand ourselves more.

In Internal Family Systems therapy, some indications of healing can be:

• More space between you and your inner critics

• A growing connection with your Self—curious, calm, compassionate

• Burdens being released (and not just "managed")

• A shift from reactivity to responsiveness

But remember, progress isn’t always loud. Sometimes it's the quiet moment when you notice, “Oh. I didn’t shut down this time.” Or, “I asked for what I needed.”

There’s No Set Timeline

As mentioned earlier, some people find relief within a handful of sessions. Others of us continue in therapy for years because it becomes a meaningful part of how we live and grow. Not only is the healing and growing that happens an ongoing process, but it is how we live our lives outside the therapy room that is important. Can we integrate what happens in our sessions? 

Sometimes no, sometimes yes, sometimes we think we are not and later realise we have been, sometimes we see clear parallels and sometimes we just feel confused!

 “We all heal in our own time and in our own way.” — Jonathan Van Ness, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in his autobiography ‘ Over The Top’

So..what determines the length of therapy?

• Your goals

• The depth and complexity of your emotional wounds or trauma

• The parts of you that are ready—or not ready—to be with your pain

A fancier way of describing this is your nervous system’s capacity  (parts may keep you in a kind of functional freeze—where you can get through daily life, but feel shut down, flat, or disconnected.) In IFS terms, this often means protective parts are working hard to keep you safe by dampening down emotions or energy, so other more vulnerable parts don’t get overwhelmed.

There’s no shame in how long it takes. Healing doesn’t reflect how strong or worthy you are. It reflects your system’s unique pace.

 “You have a finite amount of pain to unburden… and there will come a time when you feel much better.” — Dr Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS Therapy

What If It Feels Like I’m Not Getting Anywhere?

This is not uncommon at different stages of the journey. Often, after a few “aha” moments, we hit another layer. A part of us reacts in a way that feels familiar and frustrating.

You might think: I thought I was past this. Why is it still here?

This is where a steady counsellor or psychotherapist can be your anchor. Someone who’s not on the emotional rollercoaster with you, but walking beside you, holding the bigger picture.

We’re not here to rush your healing. We’re here to hold the light when things feel dark, and remind you: You’re still moving. It’s ok. 

 “Healing can take very many shapes and textures on the journey to a working wholeness.” — Jamie Marich, Therapist & Author

So… How Many Sessions Will I Need?

There’s no universal answer. But here’s what I can offer:

Give it a few sessions to see how the relationship feels. The connection between you and your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of healing.

Be honest with yourself about what you’re hoping to get from therapy—and be willing to revisit those goals as you grow.

Expect change to be uneven. There will be plateaus, spirals, expansions. That’s not failure. That’s being human.

If at some point you need to pause, reduce frequency, or explore other supports, a respectful counsellor will help you navigate those decisions with care. You’re always in the driver’s seat.

 “It’s also about enjoying the journey and not obsessing on results.” — Dr Rick Hanson

Final Thoughts

Whether you think of it as counselling, psychotherapy, IFS therapy, or simply sitting with someone who understands—this isn’t about racing the clock, it’s about walking your path.

And even if it feels hard to imagine right now, waiting on the other side of this exploration is more clarity, connection and calm as you deepen into the beautiful person you are!

Being on the path to healing is a process that requires patience